The Gentle Game

Now indoor bowls is a gentle game,

Enjoyed by those large and those small.

But many turn their noses up,

And say, it’s not a real game at all!

They don’t really know the ins and outs,

They don’t even recognise the skill.

They think the bowl just runs on tracks,

And most of that’s down hill.

They think as well that the game is dull,

There’s no life in it they say.

So how can we popularise the game,

To rank alongside the sweet F.A?

Well. first of all. we must jack it up,

And make the game a little bit ‘hot’.

Trip up the bloke who walks to the mat,

And let him fall down as if shot!

Put the spectators on either side,

Let them have rattles, trumpets and orange peel,

Encourage the players to spit on the floor,

To give it a real football ‘feel.’

And as they shout and strut their stuff,

Let the audience rise and each stand on a chair,

So as their team scores, they can finger jab and sing,

“It’s all gone quiet over there!”

Let the umpires issue cautions and vari-coloured cards,

Bring the tension to a higher fever pitch,

Let them throw fireworks and toilet rolls,

When a player puts the jack in the ditch.

And at the end of the game let the victors run around,

And gesticulate to the crowd,

Taking of their shirts and exposing their flesh.

Of their physiques they could be so proud!

And maybe we could have the odd punch up or two,

Or perhaps rip up the odd dress,

Now that would certainly popularise the game,

And forever be in the press.

So it’s not the game, it’s the attention it gets,

That’s all that stands in the way.

Come on you administrators, roughen it up,

And indoor bowls can have its’ heyday!

By D. Liver